what happened to my voice?
how do you know when you're being performative?
Hey guys,
Welcome to everyone that subscribed last week after my CNN news anchors thirst post. I can assure that that kind of content is a regular here. But I like to mix things up now and then and be a little bit serious. It’s all about balance.
During quarantine, I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection. From journalling to doing various personality tests like my Enneagram and (re-doing) Myers-Briggs, to reconnecting with my spiritual life, and learning more about astrology (I’ve had a lot of time on my hands). And the word that came up a lot in these things was activism.
Which was a bit strange for me because even though I was very outspoken in my younger years, I have gone a bit quiet with regards to this side of me online. Offline, I’ve been learning and speaking out, but I wouldn’t call what I was doing as activism, more like just being a decent human being.
So why did I go quiet?
My Facebook profile is basically dormant and but I have been checking the Memories tab now and then, and seeing the stuff I used to post, I was like ‘wow girl.’ So here’s why I stopped posting about these things on Facebook:
I ended up being unfriended by a lot of conservative people in my life and it felt a bit like preaching to the choir after awhile.
I realised that I was a getting a kick out of being condescending, knowing more than others, and sometimes being a Debbie Downer. It was my own insecurities about my intelligence that was playing up and it was not healthy to give into it.
I also realised that I still had a long way to go to deal with my own prejudices and blind spots and I felt that I shouldn’t be pointing out the stick in others’ eyes when I had a log in my own.
There were so many people speaking out and those that I felt were doing it better than me. I didn’t want to say things just to say things, it felt better just to share what they were saying.
It just felt empty. I wasn’t really doing anything differently. Yes, I was sharing information and commenting but off line I wasn’t organising, I wasn’t changing my own lifestyle, I was just on a pedestal judging others.
What changed now?
Through the whole self-reflection process, I realised that my passion for social justice has not gone away and that whatever situation I am in I will find away to stand up for what I believe in. But I also realised that I need to be constantly learning, willing to spot mistakes in myself and others, and put in the work wherever I can. I’m not saying I’m going to be a posting essays on Facebook again. But, I’m not going to censor myself anymore, because of fear or insecurity. And that’s kind of where I am at right now.
other things that are on my mind this week:
Documentary: While waiting for the US election results to come out I watched Reversing Roe, a documentary about abortion in the US. It is extremely frustrating and the documentary does well in telling both sides of the argument. But it is interesting seeing the work that gender activists have done, and what they have to continue doing in order to make sure that abortion stays legal. The anti-abortion folks also are very candid and proud over what they are doing to close down clinics and make it illegal again, it’s maddening. But an all-round interesting watch. You can watch it on Netflix here.
Podcast: I’ve been complaining lately about how much I’m not a fan of celebrities interviewing each other, but I’ve really been enjoying the podcast, Literally! With Rob Lowe. Mainly I think it’s because Rob Lowe seems like a genuinely friendly dude so he has this rolodex of friends to chat with who really like talking to him. This way we hear celebrities let their guard down as they don’t often do. His chats with Gwyneth Paltrow and Mike Myers are really good. It seems like he is fishing for compliments, lol, but he is endearing so I put up with it. You can listen to it on Spotify here.
Movie: ‘Tis the season and all that, and Netflix is going hard on the premium Christmas content. The first off the slate was Holidate with Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey – and it was the perfect mix of cheesy and cute that I love. I also watched Operation Christmas Drop which was decent, mainly because I adore Kat Graham. Watch Holidate and Operation Christmas Drop on Netflix.
what’s ign crushing on:
This week on the podcast, I was joined by Shameez Patel Papathanasiou, engineer, author and fangirl extraordinaire. We chat about our favourite concerts, crazy fandom moments, her love for Mika and her weakness over Tom Hiddleston. Listen to the episode here.
