trauma and jokes, the deadly combo
or so they say
Trigger Warning: cancer mentions
Hey!
Hope you are keeping safe during this time.
I’m aware that life is going back to normal for most and its been so great to be able to see friends and loved ones in real life again. This year has been tough.
This week I just wanted to chat a lil bit about something that was on my mind. Of course, that’s usually how I pick what I write about in these newsletters. But anyway, someone called me out recently for making light of a very serious issue someone else close to me went through and I was taken aback. I was so used to making jokes or making light of the situation to try and deal with it that I didn’t notice that it might make others (that don’t know the subjects) uncomfortable or trigger something for them.
And obviously this got me thinking about all the other times I’ve done said something similar. When my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017, it kinda swirled up my brain a bit, and I realised that I had to start thinking differently about the disease or else I would fall into a pit of despair. Before that my experiences with cancer were watching my best friend fight it when she was 18 and losing my uncles to it. All these experiences were painful, and I knew that if I associated this with my sister’s journey, I would be in a constant state of depression. Because yes, I’m predisposed and have been diagnosed with depression.
Comedy has always been my go-to pick-me-up (yes other than actual medication and chocolate). Whether stand-up or comedy shows/movies, I can remember so many times when I immediately started watching comedy after something harrowing had happened just so I can laugh again. And during my sister’s journey, I found that making jokes and light of it helped both me and her, and our entire family to laugh. It made cancer seem beatable, it made it seem like it wasn’t the defining aspect of her life, it was just a bump on her journey. She did beat cancer, and I’m not suggesting it was because of my bad jokes, but I do think that that helped me to think positively about her situation too. So, a year later when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I felt positive that even in his advanced age he could beat it too. And he did. It helped me think of the disease differently.
I was talking about all this to my best friend, the one who had cancer at age 18, and she suggested I watch the comedy special, DARK by Daniel Sloss (Netflix). I’m not going to lie, I was a bit hesitant, I mean I don’t think I have space for another straight white male comedian in my heart after I have fallen in love with John Mulaney.
I watched it though, because my friend is one of the funniest humans I know and I trust her taste, and I understood immediately why she told me to watch it. The special starts off generically, and then there is a twist (god, I love a good comedy twist, watch Nanette by Hannah Gadsby if you haven’t seen it yet). The way Sloss handles the twist and how he justifies humour as a coping mechanism has helped it understand in a new way, maybe even understand myself.
So what I’m saying that maybe I’ve gotten so used to making light of certain issues in order to make it manageable or not as loom as large in my head, but for others, it might still be in an issue. We live and we learn and self-awareness is always our friend.
Anyways check out Daniel Sloss’ specials on Netflix, they are lot smarter than he gives himself credit for:
other things that are on my mind this week:
If you are looking for something light and fun and not at all dark, you should watch Katy Keene on DStv Now. I reviewed it for Channel24.
I also finally watched the documentary Becoming with Michelle Obama, I haven’t read the book yet lol, but I was so inspired. I write this while under four blankets.
I’m too embarrassed to give music recs this week, because I discovered a song from a fanfiction, that was from a band that I know is very popular but I had never heard their music before and now I feel like an idiot. Okay, it was The Internet. Stream The Internet, if you are a fool like me.
crushing on:
This week on the podcast I was joined by Tarryn Cardre from What’s the Quarantee podcast. She is extremely intelligent and interesting and it made for such a great conversation. We spoke about how she uses reality TV to counteract the heaviness of some of the topics that she discusses on her show, we spoke about the microaggressions on this season of The Bachelor SA, and why we both love podcasting so much. Listen to the episode here.
