Hey folks,
I hope the last stretch of the year is treating you well, and that you are keeping safe in these difficult Omicron times. Remember the jol is not as important as staying alive, the jol will still be there when you are better. Sign up for more insights like this!
This week’s newsletter is inspired by the film tick, tick…boom! which is currently streaming on Netflix. You can read my full review of the film on Channel24 here.
It is an adaptation of the autobiographical musical by Jonathan Larson, who revolutionized theater as the creator of Rent. The film follows Jon (Andrew Garfield), a young theater composer who’s waiting tables at a New York City diner in 1990 while writing what he hopes will be the next great American musical. Days before he’s due to showcase his work in a make-or-break performance, Jon is feeling the pressure from everywhere: from his girlfriend Susan, who dreams of an artistic life beyond New York City; from his friend Michael, who has moved on from his dream to a life of financial security; amidst an artistic community being ravaged by the AIDS epidemic. With the clock ticking, Jon is at a crossroads and faces the question everyone must reckon with: What are we meant to do with the time we have?
Many who know me (or follow me on social media) know that I’ve had a tough couple of months. Since August I have lost my sister and two of my very close cousins, they were 48, 38 and 26-years-old, and it is so tragic to think of the lives that they did not get to live. My grief has been a terrible thing that I’ve been trying to wrestle with, some days it has been easier to manage than others, but sometimes even the slightest thing would set me off. tick, tick…boom! was one of those things.
Before watching this film, my only exposure to the work of Jonathan Larson was the 2005 film version of Rent. And even though I never got the experience of seeing the live stage play, something about that story and especially the songs, have stuck with me. ‘Seasons of Love’ is a song that sing often to myself, it’s one of those that feel tattooed on your soul.
There is a sort of eeriness to the work of Larson. His previous stage production, tick, tick…boom! which the film is based on, is all about turning 30, and feeling like he is running out of time to create a Broadway masterpiece. He would go on to create Rent which was groundbreaking for contemporary musical theatre, however the night before Rent opened Off-Broadway, Larson died of an aortic dissection. He was only 35-years-old. His fear that he was running out of time was correct. He was. He had no way of knowing he would die young, he was undiagnosed, but in his short time he managed to change the way we see musical theatre and went on to inspire a new generation of writers and composer, one of whom, Lin-Manuel Miranda (who wrote Hamilton and In The Heights) went on to direct this film.
In my review for Channel24, I wrote how every creator (as far as I know) feels as if they are working against the clock. There is always an anxiety about deadlines both those set by bosses and those you set for yourself. I know I have that clock ticking through everything, it fuels the stress I feel everyday. But perhaps, as suggested by the work of Larson, it also gives you the urgency to try to make a difference, to shoot your shot, to do something great.
As I reflect upon this year, and the lives of my loved ones that I’ve lost, none of them wasted time, none of them waited for their lives to happen. They lived. They lived fully. They might have died young, they might have incomplete stories, ellipsis dots, they might not have films made about them like Jonathan Larson, but they left behind a legacy to us who loved them so.
I don’t know when I will die, but this year has made me more aware of my mortality, even through my gallows humour. But it also made me appreciate life so much more, and focus on what I feel my calling is rather than to get distracted by the noise.
tick, tick…boom! is a beautiful exploration of one man’s journey with time, and even though it has been a few weeks since I’ve seen the film, it has stayed with me, resonated with me.
I just wanted to leave you with the lyrics of ‘Seasons of Love’ it just feels so apt to describe the feeling of remembering those we have lost this year. Seeing the years that they spent on earth as ‘seasons of love’ and remembering them in that way.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a life of a woman or a man?In truths that she learned
Or in times that she cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she diedIts time now to sing out though
The story never ends
Let's celebrate remember a year in a life
Of friends
Remember the love...
(Oh you gotta remember the love)
Remember the love...
(Oh yeah, its a gift from up above)
Remember the love...
(Sing out, give out, measure your life
In looooooove...!)
Seasons of love...
Seasons of love...
Love you forever Vanessa, Graham and Nathan <3
Caryn, I simply love your writing and really look forward to these wonderful newsletters. This particular edition made me tear up, thinking about my uncle who I also lost this year. A kind, gentle soul who had so much life left to live. Thank you for always managing to capture these raw, emotive feelings with such poise but also so much human-ness and heart. Looking forward to all your letters to come, have an amazing festive season <3